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13-Dec-2019 05:25

Then there’s this period where you just feel numb and find yourself staring at inanimate objects, having really cliché, intro-to-philosophy-type thoughts like, “What is happiness, anyway?” Eventually, after you’ve regained at least some of your dignity, you enter the classic “I’ll show them! This is when your brain tries to trick your heart into thinking that you’ve moved on, and you suddenly have tons of energy for things you’ve never cared about before, like alphabetizing your bookshelves and figuring out what the best food podcasts are, even though you never cook and literally don’t own a single pan.When I woke up from that nap, I downloaded Tinder.“How bad could it be? Funnily enough, despite Tinder’s reputation as a hook-up app, most people don’t want to meet soon after matching, but rather engage in hours of meaningless texting—about the latest trendy food hybrid, about how Brooklyn is so expensive—which is something I can’t stand doing with friends, let alone strangers.But eventually, I matched with a handsome enough 30-something who was OK with skipping the small talk.My very wise friend Ally once said: “The New York dating scene is a war zone.If you don’t watch out, your legs will get blown off and you’ll end up begging for money on the L train.” That might be a bit overdramatic but I understand the sentiment.It was everything from, “Babe, how about that threesome? ” to the complete non sequitur “I was on TV this week.” Finally, he asked if the reason I wasn’t responding was because I was too dumb to understand simple English.

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A couple nights later, I went to a dinner party on the Upper East Side.It was when he attempted to grind with me to a Lana Del Rey techno remix that I finally made my escape.



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The emotional stress involved with serious relationships and cheating can easily be avoided by searching a fuck book and finding the right fuck buddy.… continue reading »


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