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Technically speaking a fetish is an object or body part whose presence is psychologically required for sexual gratification.
This can sometimes mean that the person can get themselves off in a vanilla sexual encounter by simply fantasizing about the object in question; others absolutely need the involvement of their fetish physically or they won’t be able to orgasm (or perhaps even get aroused).
No, you do not have obsessive-compulsive disorder because you like having all your books in order on your shelf.
No, you do not have a fetish if you like getting spanked occasionally.
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A strong fetish can absolutely be life-ruining for a person, especially if they haven’t come to terms with it or they’ve ended up forcing themselves into a relationship with someone who isn’t into what they’re into.