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28-Jun-2020 11:35

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I threw up 5 times in under a minute at a mild jog with people gasping in their cars as they watch me.

He’s grabbing his ass as he runs, I’m 20 feet behind ralphing everywhere. “Once my friend tried to do a blue angel, he put the lighter to his ass and farted…. And my boyfriend (now husband) and I go to the Olive Garden (nothing like bread sticks) for dinner. We get about 15 minutes from home and I turn to my boyfriend and I am like “I really have to go to the bathroom.” Meanwhile, I have this kid kicking me in every organ inside my body including my bowels and bladder (being pregnant is great).

Besides, it’s nothing a little super glue, or a lot of Elmer’s can’t solve. Making awkward eye contact with someone as they enter a foul-smelling bathroom, because you know they think you’re responsible, whether you really are or not. We’ll feel humiliated when we discover that we’re not actually being attacked, and the alleged killer continues running past us.

Not only is this terrifying, but it’s equally painful on your body and ego.

It’s one thing to do something embarrassing in private and quite another to do it in public.

The embarrassment factor embedded in a public incident automatically triples. “When I was pregnant I went to the mall and got a horrible case of morning sickness.

Almost back home and my friend is urging me to walk faster because he’s going to shit himself and out of nowhere I start barfing.

It’s a busy intersection, and I’m compelled to keep pace with my friend, who’s moving faster and faster towards my house.

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It enrages me that I have a 50/50 shot, yet I consistently guess wrong. Seriously, next time it rains, kick your feet up and enjoy the show because at least one person will take a tumble. And neither would the unlucky holder of your spare key. Playing DJ and having your i Pod land on one of many humiliating, guilty pleasure songs that occupy your gigabytes. Talking to yourself on the road and realizing that the people in the car next to you are staring, terrified of and amused by the nutcase next to them.It didn’t work out, and I haven’t seen that guy in years, but I still cringe inwardly whenever I think about it.