Dating a borderline man
This is similar to what went on when we were in elementary school. Everyone in the “Chickadees,” for example, could read at about the same level.Not everyone in the group had the exact same problems with reading, but everyone was more-or-less at the same level with regard to reading skills.Many people with BPD feel inadequate to deal with everyday adult life and being with someone – almost anyone – can feel more secure than being on their own.Maria is a rather submissive Borderline woman who suffers from severe anxiety.
As both of these views are overly extreme and inaccurate, they are inherently unstable and sometimes can rapidly shift back and forth in the course of a day.
This mutual lack of “whole object relations” and “object constancy” actually increases the likelihood that two people who each have a personality disorder (including someone with a Narcissistic adaptation and someone with a Borderline adaptation) will fall in love with each other, and makes it less likely that either will fall in love with someone without a personality disorder – all other things being equal.
NOTE: In this article I am using the terms “Borderline” and “Narcissist” as shorthand for people who have made specific types of adaptations to their early home environments that persisted into adulthood as a series of thought patterns, behaviors, and life strategies that are commonly referred to as Borderline Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Personality Disorder. In my opinion, people are not Borderlines or Narcissists; this is the name for their current pattern of being in relationships and their approach to life.
If someone is too far above us in their grasp of Intimacy skills, they are likely to find us boring and difficult.
If they are too far below us, we are likely to be uninterested in them for the same reasons.
Maria entered therapy with the specific goal of finding the strength within herself to leave Bennie.