Breaking up etiquette dating
This is why I chose to do my masters research in the area. In the form of more serious, long term relationships, we avoid "the talk." We silently remove ourselves from the relationship emotionally.(Ironically, when I was writing the final chapter of my thesis, I got harshly dumped. )Anyway, ending a relationship — whether it be a casual one or a marriage — is thick with anxiety, guilt, and conflict. We have unenthusiastic sex (or no sex) then lie awake next to them for the remainder of the night. I used to say "I just don't like hurting people." I would then phase people out accordingly or slowly distance myself from them emotionally, which was easier on my conscience but far harder on my exes.When your Tinder flame flickers out, it's unlikely that you and your hookup will have much to hash out in person.But that's not to say there wasn't real emotion behind even the most casual of encounters.
If you feel compelled to do any of the above, ask yourself if you're doing it for them or for you.So if you've tried all of the above strategies and your date still isn't getting it — or if they came out as an undercover jerk — then it's time to pull out all the stops and unleash a dose of well-ripened petty paired with some well-placed, sarcastic emojis.Or if even that's too much effort, you can try sending lyrics to breakup songs, too.In casual relationships, we stop answering text messages or provide short, uninterested answers. I've since realized that sure, I don't like hurting people, but what's really happening is that I don't like guilt and anxiety and conflict, so I ignore or avoid the "problem" to gain the illusion that "it's" (they've) gone away And the reality is that they might go away, but they do so wondering what the heck just happened (and sometimes send a string of angry text messages). So before I offer some tips on breaking up with someone, I want to qualify this. I've had my heart smashed to bits twice, and I'm pretty sure I've smashed a couple.
I've been on the receiving end of a casual relationship ending over text message, Facebook Chat, the "phase-out," and the "I'm gonna drink few glasses of wine while you tell me you're seeing someone more seriously now and we can no longer talk."I get it.
To their face: no text messages, emails, or post-its. Let's change the culture from the all-or-nothing face-to-face or disappearing act to make space for the means in-between.